Sometimes we grow into adults, yet somewhere inside, we are still waiting for someone to say:
“You are safe. You are allowed to make mistakes. I’m still here.”
And perhaps the real question isn’t why we are still waiting for it.
Perhaps it is whether, one day, we can become that person for ourselves.
Psychologist and author Marta Segrelles speaks about her own experience with inner work. Before therapy, she describes herself as feeling “upset and angry with herself.” Being an adult, for her, meant doing everything right, never doubting herself, and never allowing herself to feel uncomfortable.
Through therapy, she learned to recognize her emotions, regulate her responses, and support the little girl she once was — becoming the adult that child needed back then.
Psychologist Avery Neal shares a similar experience. At the age of ten, she remembers feeling completely helpless and afraid. Years later, as an adult, she noticed that stress could bring her right back to that same emotional state.
So she began telling herself the words that little girl had once needed to hear:
“I am safe. I am completely capable. I am going to be all right.”
Sometimes, we even struggle to accept something as simple as kindness.
Lydia Kristin Lampert writes about how difficult it was for her to receive compliments. When people praised her strength, her first instinct was to make a joke or minimize what she had achieved.
She connects this reaction to an early experience in which positive attention and appreciation felt unfamiliar. Her image of the inner child is beautifully simple: sometimes that little girl doesn’t need an explanation. She simply needs to be held and reminded that she is safe.
Psychologist Nicole LePera describes another familiar pattern. As a child, she was constantly busy — sports, dancing, activities. She was often praised for how easily things came to her.
Over time, she began to associate her worth with achievement. Difficulty started to feel like evidence that she wasn’t good enough. As an adult, she recognized the difference between valuing herself for her performance and valuing herself simply for being present.
And this is where something important begins. Healing your inner child isn’t about rewriting the past. We cannot make our parents become different people. We cannot go back and receive the childhood we wish we had.
But we can change the way we speak to ourselves today.
Psychologist Nicole LePera describes reparenting as giving yourself “what you didn’t receive as a child.”
And sometimes, it can be surprisingly simple.
Allowing yourself to make mistakes.
Resting without feeling guilty.
Accepting a compliment and simply saying, “Thank you.”
Admitting, “I’m scared right now.”
And instead of telling yourself, “Pull yourself together,” asking:
“What do you need right now?”
Maybe, one day, we stop waiting for permission to be loved.
Because we begin creating within ourselves the very place we once needed so badly.
Not a perfect parent.
Not a perfect adult.
But a safe home for ourselves.
Read the article: Emotionally Unavailable Parents: The Price of Silence
